Statistics of one day:
Tending to a sick child - 10 hours and continuing,
15 minutes of reading e-mails,
2 hours of convincing the child to sleep during the nap - unsuccessful,
"to take the edge of compensation" - 1 beer and 2 episodes of “30 Rock”,
30 minutes of celebrating moms birthday,
1 glass of wine,
1 “Parenthood” episode (grownup family time),
3 broken promises to self not to lecture mom since its her birthday,
30 minutes of photographing our Christmas Tree,
reading a book - 20 minutes,
2 am - trying to sleep.
Tomorrow is another day.
December 17, 2010
December 6, 2010
Starting the third week without a job. Settling into the new routine. Got a long to do list and started to cross out some things. Adjustment to a new lifestyle is hard. I don't have time to do anything and at the same time it feels like I am just wasting time. I know I shouldn't feel that way but for now I can't find the right angle of looking at the situation. Even if I do get to do something "important" it still feels like I am not doing enough. Tomorrows plan is to get to a new gym. Maybe exercising will help with the mood a bit.
On the contrary, my son had a blast last week as I dragged him through playgroups, classes and to a story time at the library. It definitely kicked him into the next developmental step, so he is finding a new very smart ways of misbehaving and also it got him sick. I should feel satisfied since I always felt a little bit guilty that we are not doing enough things together. But he is so small he is not going to tell me thank you or anything like that, but being super excited he would jump all over me and not really in a gentle way. My little monkey.
Anyway probably should go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day.
On the contrary, my son had a blast last week as I dragged him through playgroups, classes and to a story time at the library. It definitely kicked him into the next developmental step, so he is finding a new very smart ways of misbehaving and also it got him sick. I should feel satisfied since I always felt a little bit guilty that we are not doing enough things together. But he is so small he is not going to tell me thank you or anything like that, but being super excited he would jump all over me and not really in a gentle way. My little monkey.
Anyway probably should go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day.
November 28, 2010
The Story of Human imperfection.
That people are flawed is probably a very basic idea. And we can be as smart as we want but flaws will always be with us, as long as we stay human. The story follows...
Six months ago we moved into our new house and we needed a few new things. One of them was a drying rack for plates, which my husband picked up at Costco during his shopping trip. We set it up, looks great. Sometimes we would notice some water dripping from one end which was open but since we didn't use it too often we would just wipe the floor and forget about it.
A few months later I have decided to move a few things around and placed the rack on the other side of the sink. Soon after my mom came and as she prefers to wash dishes by hands more and more water was dripping. But still nobody cared. Than the dishwasher broke down. After calling a master to fix it we figured that water from the rack was dripping right into the electric parts of the machine and water broke the dishwasher. Result - three weeks of washing plates by hand, no picnic. :)
We moved the rack to the old place and continued wiping the floor and the counter top. I had started to hate the thing. A few days ago I decided that or I need to figure out the solution to this constant annoyance or to throw it out. I stopped, looked at it, and it took me about 30 seconds or even less to understand that from the begging we just should have placed it so the water would drip into the kitchen sink aka horizontally instead of vertically. duh!
At this moment I realized that none of the 4 people who were using the rack, and 2 people using it while staying with us, never gave it the second thought and just continued wiping instead of thinking. How many times we say to ourselves, "why didn't I think about it before?" This is why... It requires to stop and concentrate. How much closer we would be to being perfect if we were actually concentrating on what we are doing instead of going through the motions.
That people are flawed is probably a very basic idea. And we can be as smart as we want but flaws will always be with us, as long as we stay human. The story follows...
Six months ago we moved into our new house and we needed a few new things. One of them was a drying rack for plates, which my husband picked up at Costco during his shopping trip. We set it up, looks great. Sometimes we would notice some water dripping from one end which was open but since we didn't use it too often we would just wipe the floor and forget about it.
A few months later I have decided to move a few things around and placed the rack on the other side of the sink. Soon after my mom came and as she prefers to wash dishes by hands more and more water was dripping. But still nobody cared. Than the dishwasher broke down. After calling a master to fix it we figured that water from the rack was dripping right into the electric parts of the machine and water broke the dishwasher. Result - three weeks of washing plates by hand, no picnic. :)
We moved the rack to the old place and continued wiping the floor and the counter top. I had started to hate the thing. A few days ago I decided that or I need to figure out the solution to this constant annoyance or to throw it out. I stopped, looked at it, and it took me about 30 seconds or even less to understand that from the begging we just should have placed it so the water would drip into the kitchen sink aka horizontally instead of vertically. duh!
At this moment I realized that none of the 4 people who were using the rack, and 2 people using it while staying with us, never gave it the second thought and just continued wiping instead of thinking. How many times we say to ourselves, "why didn't I think about it before?" This is why... It requires to stop and concentrate. How much closer we would be to being perfect if we were actually concentrating on what we are doing instead of going through the motions.
November 24, 2010
November 16, 2010
This is a very interesting time for me. The emotions come in waves. Sometimes I am excited about looking for a new job, meeting new people in my industry. Sometimes I am depressed as I am preparing files and folders for my last day at work. Sometimes I panic that I won't find a job, EVER. :) I know that's ridiculous but I am not perfect...yet. Sometimes I am so looking forward doing many cool things with my kid, that I have never had time to do before. So it is "a roller-coaster of emotions" literally. I probably will be really glad that it is happening...at some point...soon.
November 8, 2010
The man was standing right next to me while I was riding the subway train and I was amazed that I felt very comfortable although the distance between us was barely a foot. I wonder how other people on a subway feel about being that close to strangers. I think it should affect us the riders. If I was a psychologist I would like to write the paper called something like "public transportation and it's influence on the society". I am sure that people who drive cars all the time and don't experience this forced closeness, feel differently.
November 1, 2010
The fall is in full power. The trees are losing leaves faster and faster with each day. The mornings are chilly. When outside the steam is coming out of my mouth when I exhale. Time of reflection.
The big change is happening in my life. My company made some budget cuts and six designers including me were laid off. It was quite a shock, than I realized that actually I have wanted to change workplace for quite some time so it might be for the best. But I have three more weeks to work and coming into the office is getting harder and harder. It is a reminder of unpleasantness of the whole thing. You know its not personal, but it is impossible not to take it personally, because I spend the third of my day there. And also I am expected to be loyal and do my job well although I know that loyalty is not reciprocated and it is now demonstrated to me now little it means. Of course they give me money and staff, this was our contract, I did sell them my skills, but it still leaves an aftertaste, because I do care about what I am doing so I bring more than just mechanical achieving of the goals and performing tasks. So in some way it feels more like a break up, when somebody tells you "lets stay friends" and even though you know that the relationship became obsolete, but you still feel the bitter aftertaste of the regret.
I have never being fired before so it is new and valuable experience for me. I am looking at my co-workers and it is so strange to see that it is probably even more awkward for them than for me. They don't know what to say and what to do, some give me condolences, some avoid me, some ignore. I wish I didn't have to see all of this because it is just sad.
The big change is happening in my life. My company made some budget cuts and six designers including me were laid off. It was quite a shock, than I realized that actually I have wanted to change workplace for quite some time so it might be for the best. But I have three more weeks to work and coming into the office is getting harder and harder. It is a reminder of unpleasantness of the whole thing. You know its not personal, but it is impossible not to take it personally, because I spend the third of my day there. And also I am expected to be loyal and do my job well although I know that loyalty is not reciprocated and it is now demonstrated to me now little it means. Of course they give me money and staff, this was our contract, I did sell them my skills, but it still leaves an aftertaste, because I do care about what I am doing so I bring more than just mechanical achieving of the goals and performing tasks. So in some way it feels more like a break up, when somebody tells you "lets stay friends" and even though you know that the relationship became obsolete, but you still feel the bitter aftertaste of the regret.
I have never being fired before so it is new and valuable experience for me. I am looking at my co-workers and it is so strange to see that it is probably even more awkward for them than for me. They don't know what to say and what to do, some give me condolences, some avoid me, some ignore. I wish I didn't have to see all of this because it is just sad.
September 27, 2010
Cape Cod during the second week of September turns into a very special place. It sheds its tourist glitter into the ocean and becomes almost mystical. Breathtaking sunsets, never the same. Wind and sun go through your body giving you a release from the trivial worries.
The places are almost empty but still alive. A few natives are super friendly, they relax in their chairs. They are glad to see you coming in, they chat and smile. The birds are the rulers now. The black crows are walking along the streets, sitting on poles and back yards getting sunbaths.
Our favorite beach on the lake is empty, we feel that we are the masters of the land and we can do whenever we want. When my son wakes up his first question is:"Where are we going today?" He got into the spirit of vacation very fast. We eat seafood, which is delicious and readily available, or doing barbecue on the backyard.
There are also old people. As we are eating the breakfast they start migration to the ocean. There are couples, small groups of women sharing the stories, that you can hear if you wan
t to. The rush hour here is 6.30 to 7 pm, the sunset time. Everybody is on the ocean edge observing how the sun and clouds are painting a new beautiful composition every evening that includes the smells of the ocean and sound of the waves. Around Wednesday the change is happening, one crowd is leaving and next hasn't came yet. On Thursday and Friday nights more and more cars parked at the hotels and rental houses. We left on the beautiful Saturday morning saying goodbuy and thank you. Back to civilization. I wish we cold stay a few days more.
The places are almost empty but still alive. A few natives are super friendly, they relax in their chairs. They are glad to see you coming in, they chat and smile. The birds are the rulers now. The black crows are walking along the streets, sitting on poles and back yards getting sunbaths.
Our favorite beach on the lake is empty, we feel that we are the masters of the land and we can do whenever we want. When my son wakes up his first question is:"Where are we going today?" He got into the spirit of vacation very fast. We eat seafood, which is delicious and readily available, or doing barbecue on the backyard.
There are also old people. As we are eating the breakfast they start migration to the ocean. There are couples, small groups of women sharing the stories, that you can hear if you wan
t to. The rush hour here is 6.30 to 7 pm, the sunset time. Everybody is on the ocean edge observing how the sun and clouds are painting a new beautiful composition every evening that includes the smells of the ocean and sound of the waves. Around Wednesday the change is happening, one crowd is leaving and next hasn't came yet. On Thursday and Friday nights more and more cars parked at the hotels and rental houses. We left on the beautiful Saturday morning saying goodbuy and thank you. Back to civilization. I wish we cold stay a few days more.
Life often comes between me and my blogging. I have two unfinished posts, and now when I am looking at them I am not sure what I wanted to say. One was about how my boss for some reason decided that my vacation wasn't too important, and I could switch it. But now after two weeks it all seems water under the bridge. The other post was about our vacation but I have a bit different feelings about it now. But I think I want to write it down anyway. So I am going to start over...
Every time after I talk to my mom I feel horrified. Will my son talk to me that way? Will I be as inflexible as her? The barrier between different generations seems so high almost impossible to overcome. I am often wondering, how come though she raised me we don't have much in common. She is doing so much for us, but I have a very long way to go to learn to appreciate it, without saying: "This is great but..." There is always a but, and it shouldn't be there. I am trying to accept my mom as she is, but .... here it is again. That is very irritating. How people do this? How do they reach each other through time and connect?
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