Every time after I talk to my mom I feel horrified. Will my son talk to me that way? Will I be as inflexible as her? The barrier between different generations seems so high almost impossible to overcome. I am often wondering, how come though she raised me we don't have much in common. She is doing so much for us, but I have a very long way to go to learn to appreciate it, without saying: "This is great but..." There is always a but, and it shouldn't be there. I am trying to accept my mom as she is, but .... here it is again. That is very irritating. How people do this? How do they reach each other through time and connect?

A few days ago I finished reading a novel "The Island" by Elin Hilderbrand. This turned out to be one of the romantic stories that I swore off quite a while ago. It was a recommendation by one of the women book clubs so I suspected that from the start but decided that variety probably will do me good.

It was quite an amusing read and I did enjoy it. Probably because the last book like this I had read 9 years ago so it was almost refreshing. I am like so many women deep inside quite a romantic and this book reminded me about this almost forgotten feature. Sometimes it made me smile and a few times I wanted to bang my head against something hard.

Pretty often I think these kind of books should be gathered and buried somewhere as they raise very unhealthy expectations and I saw too many girls that couldn't separate fiction and reality. These stories are hopelessly romantic and have almost absolutely nothing to do with the reality. They cater to the woman's dream of the perfect man (prince) that will come along and all the worries will be over. Also they somehow all follow the same plot points. So enough is enough I probably will wait a few more years to read another one.

I love my way to work. As I am emerging from the subway I see people. Some are like me moving with purpose - going to work, some are tourists. Young couples, friends and families having breakfast at Starbucks and Au Bon Pain. They are talking and smiling. This early in the morning people are looking forward to a new day and optimistic. Nice feeling.

As I walked through the door I started to notice the first signs of the coming of the fall. The elusive smell in the air, the tree on the backyard loosing its red leaves, and although I know that we probably still have a few good weeks, but something squeezed my heart as I realized that summer soon will be over. The little sweet nostalgia about hot summer days. I love fall, but it makes me a little bit blue as a premonition of the upcoming winter hibernation. There is a sense that maybe I should hurry and do a little bit more summer stuff.

Random thought. I am at the point of life when people around me, getting married, buying properties, having children - the positive news. How long is it going last? Maybe ten years, maybe a bit more. What kind of new major things happen to the people after they hit 40-45? Basically you are all set, your life is on track. What people are looking forward to later in life?

Inlawvasion. My husbands parents are visiting. My pans are misplaced, the mystical ceramic cookware flooded the kitchen and my father in-law paintings the house. I am irritated, my husband is nervous and my child is happy and this is all that matters.

To get a relief we went to see "Inception" last night. I haven't been in the movie theater for months. Very nice feeling to be free, but now in the lobby I am buying coffee, not popcorn. I really enjoy how DiCaprio matures. Almost all movies I recently watched with him I liked. Also all of the main characters in the movie were very well played. In some places I thought the movie could be shortened but overall I thought it was good.

Sitting on my bed and trying to write from my iPad since I already missed last weeks date and there are quite a few things I still need to do today. I can't do much at night anymore since my child decided to torture us by not sleeping until 11 pm. So we are basically screwed unless we figure out what to do about it. But enough complaining. My child will be old enough soon, or too soon.

Today as I was playing with my son I noticed the new signs of his development. I don't know how children do it, but they do grow super fast. For the first time today my kid didn't ask me to go with him into the dark closet. He wanted to show the stars projected onto the ceiling to his staffed animals. Now I am wondering if I am giving him too much space, and he is becoming very independent already. At two and a half years it might be too early. I don't agree that we need to prepare our children for "the hard life" ahead by making them independent and self-sufficient. I am sure that he will have many chances to figure it out. All I can do is to let him know that I will be there for him and he can count on me.

This afternoon I was sitting at work and contemplating if i should or shouldn't go with the co-workers for an outing. I was tired and I had things to do so it was so much easier to stay, but finally I decided that it might be very nice experience and as those things go I was right.

We went to our beautiful main library for a tea. Everything was set up very nicely. The large light room decorated with flower arrangements and a quite interesting chandelier. The view of the beautiful garden. The tables had nice linens, and cute cups and plates. I ordered Bangkok tea, green tea with coconut flavor and couple other flavors, it was delicious. Served with the tea there were sandwiches, fruit tartlets and scones, all little and very cute.

What was very pleasing we weren't talking about work at all, and I was glad my boss wasn't there, because she tends to bring up the work when we go to lunches with people. The conversations were light and relaxing. We talked about pets, books, singers, movies, Twilight, and of course how my water broke at work, which somehow always comes up although it was two and a half years ago.

Another thing that I noticed how comfortable I was, I knew at least something about everything people were talking about, except of course the pets part, since I am not really interested in that. I guess listening to the radio a lot pays off.

The whole thing seemed very civilized and mature, and I was really glad I came. I am a big fan of the tea and especially when it happens in a such aesthetically pleasing space.

I am an adaptable person, I always knew that but I have never been more aware of it than during recent months. Or to be certain starting January 15th, when the last grandparent flew back home, and we were left dealing with lack of time and lack of discipline on our part, and a nanny who we trust but is available very limited hours. So on the plate: tons of housework and cooking, a son who I love and want to spend time with and a full time job. All of that equals to absolutely no time for myself which anybody need and I definitely need too but the truth to be told there is just not enough hours in a day. All and all it makes me tired, cranky and whiny. And I really don't like to be that person. So I am trying to do what I can to fix it by trying to fit more interesting and fun activities into the time I have.

Usually by the time I have my free hour at night I am pretty tired, so I am looking at something not too complicated or needed large amounts of force. I look for fun little projects, like blogging, reading more books, drawing or painting. Next on the list is to try needle-pointing (when I was in my teens I really enjoyed it) and meditation. At other times I work in the the garden and exercise, I may not always have time to get to the gym, but at least I try to go for a walk or a run, and it makes me already happier by just being on my list. Doesn't seem much but as a time passes by I discovered that it is working. Probably I should ask my hubby if he notices any difference. Because as I am evaluating myself I feel that I am acting much lighter in some situations that would set me up on a war path only a couple months ago.

As I try to find anything that I can do to enjoy life more in given circumstances, to stop and sit on a bench to enjoy the weather, not to be worried that I will miss my bus and will get home later than expected. Sometime just breathe before rushing into something. I think people can change even if they are taking baby steps. The person should step out of their comfort zone a little bit. I have never thought I would enjoy gardening, but I do, even if chipmunks will eat all of my tomatoes. I can't say that I am a different person but my attitude is definitely much better.

Looking at the my week I realized that nothing worth blogging about had happened. So I had decided to write about the books I am reading.

To get it out of the way, first let me tell you, as I am finishing up John Case's "The first horseman", I am finding myself not eager to know what will happen next at all. It was quite predictable and a bit boring. More and more often I find "bestselling" books failing me in one way or another. Last week I was reading "The girl with the dragon tattoo" and for a change it was very interesting, but at some point the disgusting stuff came out and I sometimes feel very sorry I've read it. I really don't like violence, this why I also I can't watch horror movies. My imagination translates it into the realty so fast I can't enjoy any of it. So I am still contemplating if I should read the next book from "The girl" series or not. Well this is it with my "entertainment" reads.

The other two books are really a pleasure to read. "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin has everything that I like. But let me step out a little bit. I have never been a big fan of self-help books, not because I think they are useless, it is just so I always found that so many of them talk a lot about how to set up goals or very interesting theories but there is not too much about how to achieve those goals or the examples that would work in a real world. And as they state the statistics it is hard to say where it came from.
So with Gretchens book I don't have any of those problems. She is very clear where she gets her ideas, what worked and what didn't, she did her research, and she likes to read so as a bonus I got quite a few ideas for my reading list.

Next book is "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph. It's a parenting book which I also enjoy. It's hard to pin point why I like it, other than it is easy to read and I find information quite useful. Although I wish they would find another way to include parents experiences, sometimes those blocks are really placed in the middle of the paragraph so you need to leaf through to continue and then to come back, or you need to disrupt your reading and then remember where you got destructed.

Tomorrow is going to be the day for me to search for a new book for my "entertainment list", and I think I might pick up something that I know and like, because I really didn't care about the last few books so I am starting to lose my faith a bit.