The fall is in full power. The trees are losing leaves faster and faster with each day. The mornings are chilly. When outside the steam is coming out of my mouth when I exhale. Time of reflection.

The big change is happening in my life. My company made some budget cuts and six designers including me were laid off. It was quite a shock, than I realized that actually I have wanted to change workplace for quite some time so it might be for the best. But I have three more weeks to work and coming into the office is getting harder and harder. It is a reminder of unpleasantness of the whole thing. You know its not personal, but it is impossible not to take it personally, because I spend the third of my day there. And also I am expected to be loyal and do my job well although I know that loyalty is not reciprocated and it is now demonstrated to me now little it means. Of course they give me money and staff, this was our contract, I did sell them my skills, but it still leaves an aftertaste, because I do care about what I am doing so I bring more than just mechanical achieving of the goals and performing tasks. So in some way it feels more like a break up, when somebody tells you "lets stay friends" and even though you know that the relationship became obsolete, but you still feel the bitter aftertaste of the regret.

I have never being fired before so it is new and valuable experience for me. I am looking at my co-workers and it is so strange to see that it is probably even more awkward for them than for me. They don't know what to say and what to do, some give me condolences, some avoid me, some ignore. I wish I didn't have to see all of this because it is just sad.