The beautiful white tulips are placed on our dinning table, very pleasing. Not bitten today. Overall day was just an ok.

Recently I had quite a few conversations about the motherhood. I wish I had some deep insight but I think this works as it worked for many, many generations before us, and will be working for many generations after us.

All my pregnancy I felt like a bio robot. It is a such complicated process your body goes through and your mind doesn't participate in it at all, you have no control over it and only can observe. After the big day the combination of hormones and instincts kicks in. Once you gave birth you become THE MOM, the rest becomes secondary. I am amazed by women who have high-power jobs and have a few children, how do they find time and strength, and how do they deal with the guilt of missing important events in the child's life. Although we do have a little bit more control over how much of ourselves we are giving up, our men are more helpful, and there are services and appliances, and of course diapers.

At this point I feel like Neo, I took the red pill and I knew my life will change because I will gain some very important knowledge but never imagined what I got myself into. Actually I think the whole scene with the pill and the mirror is such a great visual representation of how it happens.

You are ready, you want to know the truth, you were long preparing yourself for the big meeting, and you feel like it very slowly creeps on you, and you are fascinated by what is happening and only when you are very close to the finish you start to understand what kind of deep sh*t you got yourself into but its too late, and you sucked in. Your quiet stable life is ripped apart and you reborn into the new reality where almost nobody sleeps, talks freely about bowel-movements and other disgusting things that seem very important to you too. Then you are trying to squish as much information as you can into your brain because you start to understand how little you actually know. There is a person who thinks your are a superhuman, and trusts you with his life. After trying to do everything at once and to do it perfectly, you understand that you are not a superhuman, and just settle for doing the best you can which is actually turns out to work out the best.

The end of essay about how path of Neo is alike to a path to motherhood.